The Way I Am

It’s funny how music can control our lives. We can be walking along, minding our own business without a care in the world when suddenly a song comes on that just makes you stop everything you’re doing.

A song can have the power to make you think, it can the power to transport your mind to a different time, a different place, a different memory. Some songs can make you cry, some can make you laugh, and if you’re lucky, they can make you think about someone who love.

As you can imagine, a lot of songs remind me of Lauren. Love songs, happy songs, rap songs, you name it. One song in particular though brings back a great memory…I’ll let the words of the artist put you in mood before I go into more detail…

Ah-yo
I sit back, with this pack, of zigzags
And this bag, of this weed ,
It gives me, the shit needed to be, the most meanest M-C on this
On this earth ’cause since birth I’ve been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in its self to relieve
All this tension dispensing me, sentence is getting it,
The stress has been eating me, recently
Off of this chest and I rest to get peacefully
But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone
When you freaks see me out in the streets,
When I’m eating or feedin’ my daughter to not come and speak to me
I don’t know you and no I don’t owe you a motherfuck anything
I’m not Mr. ‘N Sync and I’m not what your friends think
I’m not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick, if you tempt me my tank is on empty
No patience is in me and if you offend me I’m lifting you ten feet
In the air, I don’t care who was there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer,
File you a lawsuit, I’ll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I’m tired of all you,
I don’t mean to be mean but it’s all I can be, It’s just me

And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
Radio won’t even play my jam
‘Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
I don’t know it’s just the way I am

You read that correctly…The Way I Am by Eminem teleports me in time to a great memory of Lauren.

Back in the fall of 2014,  Tuesday night’s were reserved for girl’s night. Lauren and her group of ladies would start the night off with some “adult trivia”  before heading to Wine Dive for some more drinks and dancing, with a final stop usually at Duffy’s for food.

Armed with the knowledge of her schedule and the fact that Lauren might be inviting me to join them this particular week so I could meet some of her friends, I convinced my buddy Chris who was also in Florida for work to go bar hopping with me while we waited to hear from her.

Being new to South Florida I didn’t realize how many Duffy’s Sports Bars there were in the area. I Googled what I thought would be the one they would be by and Chris and I headed out. We get to Duffy’s, order some beers and proceed to shoot the shit to kill time. I checked my phone and realize that it’s almost 11pm, we both had to work at 7am the next day, and we haven’t heard from her so we decide to call it a night. As we get into his car, Lauren calls me!! She tells me that they were just now heading to Wine Dive, and that she hoped I could still make it to meet her friends. I look at Chris, he shakes his head no. I look at him again, he shakes his head no once more. I look at him a third time, he sighs, and asks for the address of the bar.

I hang up with Lauren and look up Wine Dive on Google Maps, figuring it should only be a few minutes away….IT WAS 30 MINUTES FROM WHERE WE WERE. Somehow I brought us to the completely wrong Duffy’s! (Give me a break, it was before I officially lived there and I hadn’t been to downtown West Palm Beach yet.) Chris turned to me and asked me “Is she worth it? Is she worth the lack of sleep for both you AND me?” I looked him dead in the eyes and said “Fuck yeah she is.”

I pressed “start” on Google Maps and we were on our way to Downtown West Palm beach. We arrive at the bar close to midnight, which meant one thing on a Tuesday night in WPB… a street parking spot right across from the bar!! (At least I didn’t have to make Chris walk a long distance to get into the bar!) I sent Lauren a text that we were there and she came out to meet us.

Once inside the Wine Dive, Lauren brought me around to introduce me to her friends that were there. I met several people that night, most of which I probably never saw again, or if I did, I don’t remember their names. I did meet two very important people that night…two people that I had to get to like me otherwise my relationship with Lauren was doomed: Her roommate Lindsay and her partner-in-crime, the second Lauren S. I’ll never forget two things Lindsay did that night:

1. She discovered that she could make a straw completely disappear into my beard.
2. She overheard someone talking about me that called me “Tinder Mike” and told that person “hey, don’t call him that! Lauren actually likes this one.” I don’t know if she knows I heard her say that

At this point I’m feeling pretty bad for keeping Chris out. I bought him a drink to make up for it a bit, but I realized I should probably say goodbye and head back to the hotel.

“But Michael! How can you be heading back to the hotel?? You haven’t gotten to the why the song is so important!”

Don’t worry loyal reader, I didn’t forget about that. As I get ready to say my goodbyes, Lauren and Lindsay invite us back to their place with some other people to continue the party. There was no way that I could agree to that, I couldn’t keep Chris out even later! Then Lauren asked if we could at least drive her home, because she was too drunk to drive her car.

I don’t remember the logistics of somehow her car getting home with Lindsay but Lauren still drove with Chris and I….but somehow it happened. I am extremely glad it did, because it set up what has become the whole point of this post: The Rap Battle.

Picture this:

Chris is driving us in his Jeep rental car. Lauren and I are both in the backseat, because why not. Chris is flipping through radio stations when we here the familiar “Whatever” followed by the bells. Lauren and I both yell “leave it!” looked at each other, and laughed.
As soon as Eminem began rapping, so did Lauren and I.

We looked each other in the eyes while spitting the lyrics out with a flow that probably rivaled Eminem himself. It seemed like either one of us was going to give in….until she tickled me and made me laugh! It wasn’t fair!!!!!!!

So now anytime I hear Eminem I am reminded of that fun night with Lauren.

Some days life seems to be easier, most days it’s just as hard as the first day. I am forever thankful for all of my family and friends that have been helping out with everything. Don’t be afraid to randomly reach out and ask to hang out. Even if we just watch TV or go to a park, any contact with people is welcomed. I love you all! I’ll try not to take a few months before my next post.