The camera pans across a large living room. A sofa, love seat, and recliner are shown, but they are unused. A group of people are sitting around the coffee table, apparently playing a card game. The camera pans through their faces, revealing them to be Michael, Chelsea, Brian, Caitlin, and Lauren. They appear to be playing Go Fish. Caitlin says something and Lauren throws her head back in laughter, Michael and Brian look at each other and shake their heads in amusement. Chelsea replies, resulting in laughter from everyone. Lauren looks at Michael and smiles, opens her mouth to say something when suddenly the wall busts open and DJ Kool and crew enter the room and start to perform “Let me Clear my Throat”
When I dream, my dreams tend to be in sitcom form, probably because of all of the binge watching I do.The other night was no exception. Two nights ago was the first time that Lauren actually came to me in my dreams, and she came to me with some of the people closest to me. While I didn’t get to hear her voice (damn you DJ Kool) seeing her smile in my dream was like seeing it in real life again. Seeing her interact with my friends, even briefly, made me so happy. It made me feel that she approved of my decisions of moving back to Michigan, and interacting with who I’m interacting with.
Four months ago today we said goodbye to one of the most beautiful, kindest, amazing person to walk this Earth. I constantly re-live the last four days she was here. I constantly think about the way too short of time we’ve had together. I fight off the “what if’s” on a daily basis.
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary’s
Can’t bring back what’s taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would-“Gone Away” by The Offspring
Telling his mom stories
I had the opportunity to take Evan with me to South Florida this past weekend on a work trip. We visited Lauren several times, and each time Evan talked and told her stories. I told him stories about his wonderful mother as well. We got to spend time with our Florida family, and visit with most of our Florida friends. Evan had an amazing time. For me, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Driving to areas that we drove to together, going to places that we went to together, drinking and dancing with people I wouldn’t know without her. It seems to be getting harder just as much as it is getting easier.
I miss having someone to talk to at night. Someone to hold close. Someone to lay with and watch TV with, play drinking games with, to sleep next to at night. Maybe I need to hire one of those cuddle buddies for hire for a bit. haha.
One of the places we took Evan this past weekend was the Palm Beach Zoo. Lauren and I went there several times, each time was a blast! One of my favorite times was when we went at night and attended the Brew2 At the Zoo. We ended up meeting up with Sam and Derek, who also happened to have tickets. It was a great night of beer sampling and friends hanging out. Lauren wasn’t the biggest beer drinker, but she was that night!! Not many animals were out and active, but the ones that were knew how to party!! We were smart and took a Lyft there so we could possibly go out somewhere else later…but we didn’t factor in how exhausted we’d be…this was one of first nights out after having Evan!
At the Palm Beach Zoo for Brew2 At the Zoo
Evan and I…we’re hanging in there. Thank you all for your love and support. I don’t know where we’d be without you. Until next time, I leave you with this video of Lauren dancing!
Lauren and Lindsay dancing
Our Tale 
Michael thank you for sharing these stories with us. I can relate to we lose a loved one it seems easier and harder at the same time. Evan is so blessed to have such an amazing father.